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Forums : The Claymore Monument Steps > The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
kartikeya200 (Member) 10/22/2009 4:49 PM EST : The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
kartikeya200
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The following newspaper inexplicably appears overnight in both Qeynos and Freeport, and a little later in Kelethin, Gorowyn, and even Neriak. Shoved under doors, left in mailboxes, posted in taverns, and dropped onto porches, it's:

The Commoner 

Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
Patriotic Vampires, Take Note!

Greetings, Citizens! We hope your day has been pleasant and profitable. Haven't you always wanted to be an undead abomination? If you've been hesitant about turning yourself into an immortal corpse, there is no better time to seize the opportunity than RIGHT NOW. Yes, we now have official word that the lich, that ultimate accomplishment of necromancy and self-determining mobile dead things, is considered to be, in the words of our esteemed competitor, "a patriotic being WITHOUT EXCEPTION". 

Have you ever worried about the quality of your patriotism? Would you like to prevent even the slimmest risk of having your door broken down in the middle of the night by soldiers looking for evidence of wrong-doing? Tired of fines for made-up-on-the-spot offenses? Did you choose the wrong undead career in vampirism? In light of the newest Freeport proclamations, and in the spirit of the holiday (pun entirely intended, good readers) we here at the Commoner present to you the Do It Yourself Out of Ordinary Household Items Undead Abomination Lich Kit. It's fun! It's festive! It's patriotic! It's cheap and easy! It negates the need to have hot burning metal applied to your skin and pay the Knights of Freeport for the opportunity! Yes, you too can be the most patriotic creature to grace the surface of Norrath. Just follow these quick and easy steps:

Step 1: Choose your Souljar

As everyone knows, the object that separates a lich from any ordinary undead being is the phylactery, which is quite literally something you store your soul in. While a phylactery can actually be any object at all, the traditional object is a jar or a box, and to be a truly AUTHENTIC lich beyond question, you too should try to locate just such an object. Any container may suffice for your souljar. Do you have any spare jars lying around in your kitchen? Wooden boxes holding nothing but junk in your basement? A match or cigar box will do just fine if you have no better materials. Or if you want a souljar that can travel with you anywhere, even an ordinary everyday pocket can be turned into your personal lich approved souljar.

Step 2 (optional): Clean out your Souljar

If you think that your souljar should probably be at least moderately tidy, or at least free of pocket lint, you should probably clean it out. It helps with certain future steps. If you don't really care about that, skip ahead to:

Step 3: Create your Souljar

Those highly skilled in the necromantic arts or knowledgable about magical theory will tell you that the process of becoming a lich is a highly involved, dangerous, lengthy process which may or may not involve blood sacrifice, binding promises to evil gods, or at least some magical skill. This is nonsense. The truth is that the process is actually quite simple, and it is made to sound so difficult and complicated because the current crop of liches enjoy being exclusive. 

Creating your souljar is a simple process with lots of room for creativity. The easiest way is to simply proclaim your souljar as a souljar. Your soul will then take up habitation, and you will be a lich, the most patriotic of patriotic beings. But perhaps you like a bit more ceremony, or you want to make certain that your status of a lich is undeniable and irrefutable. In that case, find some ink, paint, or in a pinch, charcoal (warning, charcoal will likely need to be reapplied regularly. Think of it as reasserting your patriotism), and write the words 'This is my souljar' on the outside. You can also write them on the inside if you like, or add or change words as it suits you. Artistic decorations of skulls or flowers are optional, but as long as you're going all out, you can also draw the Freeport crest or write 'I love Lucan' on your souljar as well (true patriots of other cities can substitute their city's rulers and crests as appropriate). The extremely dedicated may also write 'this is my soul' on a scrap of paper and put it inside, just to be thorough.

And that's all there is to it! Congratulations on becoming a lich! The best part is, since your actual soul takes up no physical space, you can store anything else you like in your souljar, such as flour, clothing, or pocketchange, if you feel like using your space efficiently. You may now present your souljar as authentic proof of your lichdom to anyone who would question your loyalty, patriotism, or level of festive spirit. Happy Nights of the Dead, dear readers! 

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SardonicaEQ (Member) 10/23/2009 11:49 AM EST : RE: The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
Legacy of Honor

SardonicaEQ
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Sounds appealing!  And quite easy.  I just have one question.  Once my soul is safely ensconced in my souljar, do I have to worry about it escaping?  Can I take a peek in the jar from time to time just to make sure it's safe and warm?  Is it likely that my soul will escape and wander aimlessly through Norrath?  I'd hate to think that my soul is out there wandering around looking for me.

Signature thanks to electrickittykat at gmail.com

Characters: Sardonica Heilig
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Morian Pagosa (Officer) 10/23/2009 3:30 PM EST : RE: The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
Knight Captain, Legacy of Honor

Morian Pagosa
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WAIT WAIT! 

You can ALSO add a nice bit of minty freshness to your soul with peppermint extract!!
Photobucket
 
               Photobucket     Photobucket     Photobucket
Characters: Morian
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Caliphane (Applicant) 10/23/2009 3:36 PM EST : RE: The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!

Caliphane
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Do I have to feed it once it's in there?  Because if I have to feed one more thing....*grumbles*
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Scurray (Member) 10/23/2009 7:01 PM EST : RE: The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!
Scurray
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Feeding your Soul is important! It's even more important than feeding your Ego!

*This message brought to you by the Soul Food Vendors Association*



"¡uʍop ǝpısdn sı dıɥs *ɹnoʎ* 'ou"
no, *your* ship is upside down!
Scurray and Zilvrae - Vagabond Knights
Characters: Scurray Zilvrae
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Illiam Quinley (Applicant) 10/25/2009 10:43 PM EST : RE: The Commoner: Make Your Own Patriotic Souljar!

Illiam Quinley
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((I lol'd Shard. Hard.))
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