Grandma Still Drives ---Priceless
My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back! I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, " Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus." I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road. The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know this face but I cant put a name to it." The second picks it up & says, "You daft bastard it's me!"
Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and see's him hanging by his feet. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," Paddy replies. "It should be round your neck," says the guard. "I tried that," says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe."
Two Irishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?" "Because they're upside down," says Paddy. "You daft prat," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"
MY NEW BOYFRIENDS I am seeing 5 gentlemen (give or take) every day!. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, & when he's here, he takes up a lot of my time & attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up & stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired & very glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life! Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer; or whatever his name is. I forget! and I'm thinking of calling JACK DANIELS, Jim Beam, Jose Quervo or JOHNNY WALKER to come over and keep me company. Now remember: Life is like a roll of toilet paper..... the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. So have fun, think 'good thoughts' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and 'count your blessings!!!
All Dwarfs have a rigid sense of honour that is centered upon a bond or promise. Oath-takers must swear a solemn and sacred oath to abide by and respect the Codex of Stone. Oaths are of special importance for Dwarfs and The Brethren will therefore place great significance on the actual fulfillment of this Oath.
All prospective Dwarfs must demonstrate the Codex of Stone and know of it in it's entirety during the seven cycles of initiation. When one is deemed worthy to join the ranks of the Bloodstones, a final task must be completed... and its evidence presented at the ceremony.
*Upon completion of the tasks, an RP-Event Ceremony will take place following the recital of the Bloodstone Oath at the Temple and will be presented with a battle helm, and then a Celebration at Kada-Els.
Hoarding wealth is the greatest passion among Dwarfs. They are a steadfast race and work hard for their riches and possessions. Rare and valuable items are passed down through generation to generation and so a Guilds treasury is held most dear, as it is both a source of wealth and a bond formed between kin. No Dwarf feels secure unless their treasure hoard is heaped high enough for them to sit on!
Lore Masters are opportunists in trade, always looking to earn an extra circlet. The duty of a Lore Master is to hunt and identify the greatest and rarest of items to donate to The Brethren, or market in auction. In frequent cases, excess weapons of the forge find their way to the hands of a Lore Master, and in turn, to those with the largest Tria pouch! Lore Masters are great storytellers are scribes of Bloodstone, recording the great achievements of the Guild in tomes for all to see.
Dwarfs have a great reverence for old things, valuing them for their memories and associations. A skilled Dwarf craftsman reveres great pride in their work and so lives on through it and forms a tangible connection to the past. The preservation and continuing use of such an item is a form of respect and veneration for its creator.
Dwarfs are the greatest miners and tunnelers in Yliakum, they delve deep beneath the surface for metals, precious gems, and whatever other mineral wealth buried in the depths. These raw materials are tended in furnaces to form perfect stocks and ingots, ready for use.
Dwarfs obtain all they really need by trading in raw materials. Through this exchange of crafted items, many diplomatic and profitable opportunities present themselves between neighboring Guilds. The duty of a Artisan is to survey and know the surrounding lands in great detail for discovering new ore sources requires a keen eye. Artisan must also be knowledgeable in all metal properties and able to produce only the finest of stock.
All Dwarf craftsmen are adept in repairing weapons and armour, and able to manipulate metals into fine blades for their works. The duty of the craftsman is to arm every Bloodstone with weapons worthy of a Dwarf.
All Dwarves have a lust for life and a inquisitive nature of all things. They work hard and they play hard. Woven through those extremes are the comforts that sustain them. They enjoy good foods from fresh ingredients both rare and common to fill their hearty appetites, plentiful and satisfying brews to free their spirits for the next day, well rendered remedies to sooth the aches and pains of their daily pursuits, access to unusual solutions for the unexpected needs to keep the work flowing, insights into new alloys to yield ever better service from their weapons and tools, lubricants for machinery and acids for etching runes and a deep connection to nature which provides all the resources not made by the hands of the races in Yliakum.
The Dwarfs have always been famed for their sturdiness of build, and the Warriors are a testament to their kin. A Warrior is a master of combat and their duty is to hold a battle line, and to take a heavy toll on those who try to break it. As the line marches forward, they act to secure its hard-won advance, for Warriors can hold a patch of earth with the single-minded tenacity of an oak.
The Bloodstone Brethren must always be prepared for War, for the possibility of threat is always present in the minds and hearts of all. Warriors must train vigorously in all aspects of combat and work closely with a Guardian, learning the techniques of dueling in the hope that perhaps one day they will, in turn, fulfill the role of Guardian. The duty of the Warrior is to become an able fighter, for these Dwarfs form the back-bone of the Bloodstone military might.
The Brethren are a very religious clan, giving praise to both their God, as well as respect for their own departed dead. Though the time of there god walking among them is long over, the effect it had upon the Brethren is profound. The teachings have given rise and influenced every aspect of Dwarf lifestyle, culture and warfare. While every Bloodstone worships there god, like religions elsewhere in Yliakum there are priests who tend to the cares of the people and ensure the teachings of their religion are never forgotten.
Dwarfs harness magic by manifesting its energy from the inscriptions of runes on the surface of glyphs, which by their mere presence somehow imbue them with power. Clerics seek knowledge in the Ways to better understand the gift of magic. Once a Cleric transcends to Elder, it is said, the elements can be commanded by ones will alone, with devastating effect. A Clerics duty is to become strong in the Ways of Magic.
Guardians are the elite of the Dwarf Warriors and are selected from the bravest and most aggressive Dwarfs to serve as the Bloodstone's most elite guards. The Guardian is an embodiment of endurance and is characterized by sheer stubbornness and refusal to go down even under the heaviest of blows. It is said that there are few warriors in Yliakum who can boast they are as tough as a Guardian, and none that can prove it.
The duty of the Guardian is to act as the Sovereigns loyal protector, to uphold discipline and courage in all things for the Guardian represents true power and strength. Wherever there is trouble, threat, or danger, the Guardian is always within the thick of it, prepared to to protect the honour of Bloodstone.
Dwarfs live to a very grand age. The relative length and fullness of a Dwarf's beard indicate how old and wise he is - hence, Dwarfs are immensely proud of their beards and never cut or trim them. Whatever they are doing, if Dwarfs are in any doubt as to how to proceed, they look to the Dwarf with the longest beard to tell them what to do. He provides what is invariably the wisest solution.
Elders are the oldest and wisest of Dwarfs there know and teach many skills and form the Council of the Bloodstone. The duty of an Elder is to guide, to teach, and to enforce the Codex of Stone. Elders considered true Dwarfs, recognised and respected, these valued members of Bloodstone are sought by the Sovereign in times of great difficulty.