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The Family Pilch

Guild Size: tiny! Join up and help us grow.
Age Requirement:
18 as we make use of many adult themes. And swear like troopers.
Races:
Any, really, but no pure bloods! We have one elf-type but she’s more like a pet. You’ll have to have a bloody good reason for us to accept you sheevra/vela.
Play style:
RPVP. We’re hardly RP Nazis, but we do like guildies to stay in character.

Website: Yup. It's Guildportal.

Join us: http://www.guildportal.com/Guild.aspx?ForumID=1626345&PostCount=37&GuildID=343312&TabID=2874080#forums

If a traveller were to stray too far from the more civilised regions of the world, he might find himself in the degenerate backwoods where he might hesitate to ask directions from the gnarled, furtive folk who stare silently at strangers and give the distinct impression of resentment or even hostility toward outsiders.

If local folk were given to gossip, they might remark on the number of children born to Zebadiah and his sister Gurtie. They could mention stubborn temperament of the livestock that Zebadiah Junior trains, or the peculiar quality of the meat Pappa Pilch brings to market. They might warn our traveller to avoid the Pilch Farmhouse, for many of the 'outsiders' who go to visit are never seen or heard of again. They perhaps would also note that it is after occasions like these that Pappa Pilch tends to bring the best of his 'special' meat to market. Maybe they would even whisper of the nameless rites performed atop the rumbling hills on the darkest nights, when the earth itself seems to groan and the livestock falls silent.

Sadly for our traveller the locals are not given to gossip, for country folks look after their own, and are wary of outsiders. What business is it of theirs if some damnfool stranger pokes his nose where it don't belong?


The Family Pilch is a small roleplaying guild in the game Mortal Online. The Family are a bunch of psychopathic inbred cannibals who don't take kindly to non-locals. The inspiration comes from film, TV and literature including The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, The League of Gentlemen, Cabin Fever, The Dunwich Horror, House of 1000 corpses, The Darling Buds of May, Deliverance and many others.

"I just wanna raise me pigs an' make a pretty penny at market. Mind you, I loves goin' a-huntin with me boys."
The Family intends to engage in PvP and PvE when possible. Ma Pilch is always asking the boys to go get more shiny things. We will be organising regular 'hunts' for 4-legged and 2-legged prey...

"We keeps to ourselves an' looks after each other. We don't need nobody else."
As a small, introverted community, the Family is highly unlikely to be seeking or joining any alliance. We will probably want some trade deals, though. This could lead to some interesting situations. "Oh yes, sirs, only the finest pork. Nice and tender... oh look. Why would anyone want to tattoo a pig? I'll just be goin' now."

"You ain't from aroun' these parts, are ya? Yer kind ain't welcome here, you'd best leave afore pa get's here..."
The Family Pilch detests 'outsiders' and will go out of its way to destroy colonies of them. They also have a vehement dislike of pure-bloods of any race. Woe betide any pureblood who happens to step foot on Pilch territory, or any suspicious outsider. We will attack anyone we see near our territory, regardless of guild affiliations, criminal status or renown. Consequences be damned.

"Ahhh Junior's growed up big an' strong ter help Pa with runnin' the farm. Now if only we could find 'im a nice no-tail he could take to wife... mind you, if Ma says the girl ain't right, then I guess the other boys and girls can have some fun."
Zeb Junior is Ma and Pa's pride and joy, and it is their dream to find a nice pure-blood human to be his wife. Any potential candidates have to pass Ma's approval. Those that don't match up to her strict requirements are handed over to the Pilch girls and boys to do with as they wish.

 

The Family Pilch are currently operating out of Bakti if you would like to join us for some unsettling RP. We’ll be moving out when we’re a bit more self-sufficient.

We need a few more peeps to help us become the nightmare cannibals we want to be! We’re actually quite a friendly bunch within the guild and we’re quite willing to help new players out when we can.

Sign up now and Molly might even give you a kiss! You lucky devils.

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The Family Pilch is currently looking for members to fill the follwing roles:

Pappa Pilch, Feb 7, 10 5:00 AM.
'The Civilised Cousin'

A real Hannibal Lecter type. Cultured, articulate and educated. The other Pilches are both respectful and suspicious of their 'cousin' who has spent far too long among outsiders; he has rather refined tastes compared to most pilches, being fond of truffles, specially prepared liver and fine wines.


'Gramps and Granny'

The aged parents of Zebadiah and Gurtie. Granny is a trifle deaf (always fun to roleplay) and has no teeth laft. She can't enjoy the family feasts like she used to, but she can still crack a bone and suck the marrow out.
Gramps is somewhat senile and acts as the high priest* of the Family. He'll constantly call people by the wrong names and moan about the 'yoof of today.'
Both Gramps and Granny would be suited to mage-type roles, but we won't stop anybody playing their characters however they wish.


'The Urchin' ***POSITION FILLED***

Basically we want a thief. But in the interest of entertainment, s/he constantly steals the wrong items, earning Pa's ire. The Urchin could also be the Family's eyes and ears in the cities. "Got ter keep up with current erffairs, a'v'nus?"


Cousins, siblings, aunts and uncles

We're still looking for any other long-lost kin. We're going to need a few more crafters expecially, but anyone who wants to have a good laugh roleplaying is welcome to join. Perhaps you can think of a good role for your character within the family, eh? We're open to suggestions.



*We'll wait for the god system before we decide on anything religious. Most likely the Pilches will venerate a Lovecraft-style elder god. Ea! Yog-Sothoth!

Meet The Family

Pappa Pilch, Jan 14, 10 3:08 PM.
If a traveller were to stray too far from the more civilised regions of the world, he might find himself in the degenerate backwoods where he might hesitate to ask directions from the gnarled, furtive folk who stare silently at strangers and give the distinct impression of resentment or even hostility toward outsiders.

If local folk were given to gossip, they might remark on the number of children born to Zebadiah and his sister Gurtie. They could mention stubborn temperament of the livestock that Zebadiah Junior trains, or the peculiar quality of the meat Pappa Pilch brings to market. They might warn our traveller to avoid the Pilch Farmhouse, for many of the 'outsiders' who go to visit are never seen or heard of again. They perhaps would also note that it is after occasions like these that Pappa Pilch tends to bring the best of his 'special' meat to market. Maybe they would even whisper of the nameless rites performed atop the rumbling hills on the darkest nights, when the earth itself seems to groan and the livestock falls silent.

Sadly for our traveller the locals are not given to gossip, for country folks look after their own, and are wary of outsiders. What business is it of theirs if some damnfool stranger pokes his nose where it don't belong?



The Family Pilch is intended to be a small roleplaying guild in the game Mortal Online. The Family are a bunch of psychopathic inbred cannibals who don't take kindly to non-locals. The inspiration comes from film, TV and literature including The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, The League of Gentlemen, Cabin Fever, The Dunwich Horror, House of 1000 corpses, The Darling Buds of May, Deliverance and many others.

"I just wanna raise me pigs an' make a pretty penny at market. Mind you, I loves goin' a-huntin with me boys."
We will be primarily a crafting, training and trading guild. However the Family still intends to engage in PvP and PvE when possible. Ma Pilch is always asking the boys to go get more shiny things. We will be organising regular 'hunts' for 4-legged and 2-legged prey...
We may Change our focus depending on how events pan out in-game and what the game system allows us to do.

"We keeps to ourselves an' looks after each other. We don't need nobody else."
As a small, introverted community, the Family is highly unlikely to be seeking or joining any alliance. Members are encouraged to have alts in other guilds if they're after large-scale PvP or want to go hunting epics. We will probably want some trade deals, though. This could lead to some interesting situations. "Oh yes, sirs, only the finest pork. Nice and tender... oh look. Why would anyone want to tattoo a pig? I'll just be goin' now."

"You ain't from aroun' dese parts, are ya? Yer kind ain't welcome here, yu'd best leave afore pa get's here..."
The Family Pilch detests 'outsiders' and will go out of it's way to destroy colonies of them. They also have a vehement dislike of pure-bloods of any race. Woe betide any pureblood who happens to step foot on Pilch territory, or any suspicious outsider. We will attack anyone we see near our territory, regardless of guild affiliations, criminal status or renown. Consequences be damned.

"Ahhh Junior's growed up big an' strong ter help Pa with runnin' the farm. Now if only we could find 'im a nice no-tail he could take to wife... mind you, if Ma says the girl ain't right, then I guess the other boys and girls can have some fun."
Zeb Junior is Ma and Pa's pride and joy, and it is their dream to find a nice pure-blood human to be his wife. Any potential candidates have to pass Ma's approval. Those that don't match up to her strict requirements are handed over to the Pilch girls and boys to do with as they wish...

Web Site Live on GuildPortal!

Pappa Pilch, Jan 9, 10 4:14 PM.
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