It was almost six months ago that former Velocity member Bottlerocket proposed the idea of forming a CoH PvP team utilizing former members of u2bg in an attempt to usurp the then current Champion League.  With Silit's help, we sought to bring together a group of players that would hope to relive the enjoyment that we had working together as a team more than a year prior.

Unfortunately, circumstances, unfounded judgements and ridiculous opinions barred our entry.  The idea, while great on paper, did not seem realistic enough to come to fruition.

Two month's later, Habachi global friended me.

(Yes, I'm telling a story, fuck you)

Having not played on Freedom since the first FPvPL in 2010, I found it odd that someone with the global name of @Lil Swag kept requesting that I do kickballs on Freedom.  Clearly the youth suffered from Down's syndrome and would have no reason to engage me in conversation.  Nevertheless I humored him, until he inquired as to whether or not I would be entering the FPvPL 2011 draft, to which I replied:

"No, there is no one left in the game that is good."

His response, casual, a "lol".  He took my statement and showed it to some of his buddies in Exile, most notably Gunrock, as a means of taunting me.  It gave Gunrock the delusion that he was, in some way, better than those that had come before him.  His time spent dueling in the post-i13 PvP system of CoH had wiped his mind of all of the instances in which I had pummelled his anus (in the figurative sense) while he was a member of Ascension.

His affirmation that Infamous would always be a "better" player sparked the conversation between Ben Pourian and I that would birth WARE.gov.

The idea was conceived originally as RARE - Running Around Raping Everything, another nod to a former Counterstrike team of a close friend of mine.  But Peril is a big baby and we compromised on WARE, with the .gov added because I fucking felt like it.

But despite Silit's claims that the "old crew" would be returning, we had our doubts.

Our first practices against Exile left me wondering if our team would fully return, would I find myself in a worse position than losing to Talent Agent by succumbing to Teh Artic?  My doubts would not last long, we returned, and we returned stronger than ever.

The decision to approach Liberty, (who was, in my opinion) one of the best players to have never started for a top level team was a wise one.  His versatility, dedication and level-headed demeanor offset my Fuhrer like persona as the leader.  With Silit, March, Dex and Liberty running the starting offense, we were unbeatable.

Or perhaps the true credit lies in Spiner and Klesk, who returned to the game, relatively unpracticed, and made a complete mockery of the state of "support" in the game.  Their evasive maneuvers were imitated; never perfected.  Their clutch healing and telepathic abilities still undoubtedly the greatest to have ever touched this game.

It would be unfair of me to place all of our success on those six people.  Where I faltered, where the starting offense fell short, where Spiner and Klesk could not be, there was Peril, HP, and Hot Heals.

Hot Heals, the MVP draft pick to end all draft picks. 

The decision to select Hot, highly debated.  Between Silit, myself, Dex and Peril we rationalized the acquisition of such a player, and performed the greatest highway robbery of a draft ever seen in CoH.

That's right, not only did we walk away with the best record, but we won the draft, we won the Guildportal war, we won the most views for any thread, and we have the highest K:D ratio of any team that has played the game.

Where March or Lib were not available, Mebs, RyRy, Seethe and Walrus stepped in, playing with the least amount of practice and filling the shoes of players with a much higher level of experience.  Their dedication could be placed higher perhaps than anyone elses.  Where our team was weak, we were weak together, and when we were strong, we were all strong.

As you have most likely guessed, this is not a run down of the finals match-ups as you might have anticipated.  If that's what you were looking for, I suggest you cry about it.  
 
You want your match recap?  Here it is:

We did two practices in a month and a half (ringers don't count), didn't play an official for over a month, and still walked in and dumped all over Mage's team, despite his incessant shit-talking and implications that "WARE is terrible".  We robbed Shenanigans of their first, and likely second place spot, and embarrassed his team by forcing them to roll a line-up similar to ours, shitting on it, then shitting on their alternate version of our line-up as well.

I didn't say this when I made that speech earlier, and to WARE, I apologize.  So here goes:

To Silit, Dex, March, Lib, Klesk, HP, Peril, Spiner, Hot, RyRy, Mebs, Seethe, Walrus, Rystorm, Web, and last but certainly not least, Johnny Turbo - I thank you personally as your leader, but more importantly as your friend.  You were asked to return to a game that you despise; you came; you played; you raped with much skill & absolutely no manners whatsoever, just as you were expected to.  You are the finest group of players I have come to know, and I wouldn't trade any team in any other game of far greater composition for this one here.

You are all welcome to join us in ToR, and for those reading this that were not apart of WARE, you (might) be welcome to join us as well.  If not ToR, we will also be quite active in TF2.  Our Mumble is always open for everyone.

WARE.wolves: Undefeated forever.

Word.

Due to two consecutive forfeits against us, a bye round, and stopped matches for thanksgiving, we've not had any matches for the past month.

We will be playing our first official in over a month (and likely our last) next Sunday, in the finals, against Shenanigans.

After we sweep Shenanigans (again) and win the league, we're still sort of unclear as to what we're going to pursue.

Until then, thanks to CC for forfeiting a week in advance so they could avoid playing us, thanks to CN for at least trying to show up, and thanks to Exile for dropping the league so we can poop on Shenanigans again.

Oh, and thanks to FAP for pretty much forfeiting to Shenanigans by running 5 poisons in all three matches.

See you next week.

There is no question that the Earth/Fire Dominator has been, approaching this league, a widely discussed option to the notorious Psy/EM line-up.  In prior leagues, Earth/Fires were run with the agenda of using Stalagmites as a set-up for damage spikes because, well, most teams and players currently need to lean on crutches in order to win matches (Or in the case of FAP, keep their deaths as low as possible.)

WARE.gov would wager that those that have rolled Earth/Fire Dominators and have played them would most likely kill themselves if they realized that the original idea for an Earth/Fire Dominator and the "line-up" came from a little-known Roleplayer from Virtue who was attempting an homage & amalgamation of both Mr. Fantastic & The Super Skrull (Of Fantastic 4 fame).

That's right, your Earth/Fires were birthed from my RP concepts, suck my dick.

There is also no question that WARE.gov is responsible for the tie-breaking vote that instated the rule barring Stalagmites from usage in the league, leading Katalyst to seek out a Zoloft prescription in order to treat his depression over not being able to use it to supplement his absolutely terrible team.

But with Stalagmites gone, how would the Earth/Fire line-up prosper?  Once again, WARE.gov shocked the cosmos by taking the foulest of shits upon the competition, leading teams to once again believe in the potency of the Dominator.  Left and right, players began to roll and level their Earth/Fires, but it was Shenanigans that stepped up, bringing WARE.gov into their first mirror match since this league's inception.

With our roster down one notable starting player (Liberty, due to computer issues) and a series of spotty practices due to work and school obligations for many of our members, morale seemed to be at a new low going into the latest official.

Just kidding, we knew we were going to rape Shenanigans, c'mon now.

Match 1: Mage dies a lot 33-2

Match 1

Shenanigans rushes HP at the start to try and kill him; big mistake as he has more experience dealing with burst damage spikes than Shenanigans entire playerbase combined.  The Dominators form the Thunderzord while Spiner and Klesk take turns being the Green Ranger, resulting in exceptional kills, and Shenanigans entire team dying at least once in the match.  That's right, I killed your entire team.  In some countries that is often referred to as tentacle rape.

Notable moment of the match:  Mage rads late or doesn't rad at all on every single target.

Match 2: Venatrix dies a lot 20-3

Match 2

Shenanigans is predictable as fuck and picks Eden thinking that they're going to outplay us by using their very clever tactic of circling a cliff (amazing, I know).  However, WARE.gov are masters of Starfox 64, and barrel roll the fuck out of their discombobulated spikes in order to fart in Venatrix's open mouth, prompting her Mother to disown her and her dog to rape her.

Notable moment of the match:  Thorizdin drops uber on an Emp in CoH.  Pop it, don't drop it, my nigga.

Match 3: Mage and Venatrix die alot 31-3

Match 3

Match 3 (Youtube)

Random to Outbreak, Shenanigans decides to play us on open ground in the middle of the map, which proves to be to their detriment as Air Traffic Controller Silit clears our weiners for landing into the gaping butthole of Shenanigans players.  We clear the open field of pets by killing every member of their team one-by-one, even going so far as to spend the last 2 minutes of the match on Mumble singing Karaoke (true story), and Shenanigans still couldn't close the margin enough to outscore HoneyBadgers record of kills on us in a single match.

Notable moment of the match: All 8 members of WARE.gov sing "Party All The Time" by Eddie Murphy while evading Shenanigans shitty spikes spearheaded by an incompetent Eurotrash piece of shit named Mirage Mage. 

Did we mention we go into playoffs undefeated?  We're not even trying anymore.

WARE.gov reserves the right to chronicle officials against teams that will actually attempt to engage in legitimate matches, as opposed to laying down and letting us buttfuck them like the weekly train that we run on BattleWraith's wife.  Therefore:

Have some screenshots!

Round 1

Round 2

Thanks for the free K:DR; see you in the playoffs.

With the state of PvP in great decline since the changes made in i13 years ago, it has fallen to the prominent members of the community to offer helpful advice and support to the newer players filling into the playerbase.

The purpose of Freedom's "The League" in 2010 was to foster new interest in PvP and teach inexperienced players, while giving them the opportunity to play regardless of their levels of knowledge.

Subsequent leagues have attempted to do the same, and preach a message of Sportsmanship between both individual players and teams.

It is a widely known fact that people play videogames for the polite competition and general level of respect shared by all.

This week, WARE will silence the rumors that we are unsportsmanlike douchelords who are attempting to pee together into a trough in the hopes of winning a contest over who has the biggest e-peen.  How do we intend to do this?  By speaking as kindly about this week's opponents as possible.

Match 1: WARE barely edges a win 85-0

Match 1

Myrmydon is a really nice person, and though not present in the match, allows his spirit as Champion's premiere Wonder Woman knock-off to carry his team into Tech Lab.  Nachsteller pulls off some really great maneuvers; Mega Deth's disruption abilities are unparalleled as he consistently drops the Ice hold to set up Stalker spikes.  Zero Steel has a cool looking sword. 

Match 2: High stakes match on Skyway ends with victory for WARE 44-0

Match 2

Rather than actually play out a match, both teams agreed to listen in on a poetry reading as conducted by Chicken Nuggets very own Syndace, who regaled us with ye tales of olde in iambic pentameter.

Match 3: Peril uses his Dual Blades/Stone Brute 25-3

Match 3

Our bond with Chicken Nuggets now having come full circle, from PvP to now establishing a friendship through poetry, we agree to set aside our PvP differences and PvE with Chicken Nuggets on the Atlas Park map.  Peril brings his Dual Blades/Stone Brute, I brought a Martial Arts/Willpower Scrapper, and March/Silit/Liberty used kins of varying builds/archetypes.  However, the cooperative PvE turns into a contest of who are the better players, as Chicken Nuggets bring a Necromancy/Dark Miasma Mastermind, causing us to pool our efforts in an attempt to defeat the grizzled veterans of storyline content that are:  The Chicken Nuggets.

Good games to CN, you were classy individuals that never once threatened to Disqualify us in any way shape or form, nor did you make any complaints about spawn-camping at all because... well, there's a phase timer after you die, right?

Notable moments of the matches, before I forget:  EXILE loses another channel war with us, Johnny Turbo effectively takes a shit on the entire Freedom population, Venatrix has her face fucked by EXILE in a match, Habachi gets benched for Lethelle, Lethelle actually gets a kill, Gunrock is dating Lethelle, Gunrock is dating someone over the internet and he's 23 years old (lmao).

Peril got 3 kills on a DB/Stone in an official match and we outkilled EXILE's tryhard joke line-up.

Also, we're still undefeated.

There have been whisperings amongst the PvP playerbase, both active and inactive in the league that WARE.gov's acronym (wearerapingeveryone) is inaccurate; that there are indeed teams and players that are capable of unseating us from our position as the number 1 team in the game. 

Case in point:  EXILE.  Champion's last bastian of hope in salvaging a long legacy (lmao) of PvP dominance (rofl). 

EXILE, a team that has harbored such notable players as 4shes, ELF STALKER, and Habachi.

EXILE, a team that thought themselves clever when they usurped control of a channel related to Freedom's PvP League (the one that we won before it even started) only to have their channel rights revoked; their faces collectively shat upon by law enforcement officers Hot Heals, Silit & Mebs.

But the question begged to be ask:  Is EXILE better than WARE?

Actually, the proper question should be:  "Remember when we beat the 2nd best team in the game 58-10?" - as posed by our very own Dexington.

The proper question should be:  Just how many buildings can Gunrock stand on?

Or:  How many targets could Havoc rogue Soul Storm?

Or:  How many times could Condro die while pretending to be Klesk?

Match 1: WAREwolf wins 20-5

Match 1

Being home team, we choose Skyway City, opting to run our solid offensive line-up consisting of a strict Dom team (blasters, lol).  Silit, March & Dex spend the entire match shaking the army of collective tiny Japanese penises that EXILE's members most assuredly possess while maintaining an offensive pace unseen since the days of... never.  Notable moment of the match is most definitely Hinden (A starting emp for Teh Artic's dream team to end all dream teams) running into a corner and getting stuck before eating 4 Blazes like the calorie infested fatass that he is.

Match 2: WAREwolf wins 20-0

Match 2

EXILE chooses Outbreak, assuming that their incredibly transparent evasion tactic of standing on buildings and running around corners will be able to bamboozle us enough, coupled with the incredible disruption abilities of TRTerror on Poison (He's the new Volund) will be enough to defeat us.  Many of Artic's selections for his dream team prove their worth as they jump from building to building, eventually coming down into the middle of the Outbreak map, only to offer their worthwhile contributions.  By dying.  A lot.

Notable moment of the match is Gunrock standing on a rooftop, challenging people to 1v1 matches because dueling is important to 18 year old virgin trust fund babies.

It should (for the sake of fairness) be noted that Havoc (Mayu Ota; EXILE's Ace blaster) disconnects 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the match, which is the clear indication as to how and why we were able to defeat them on Outbreak. 

Just like the time where Peril DC'd in a match on Perez Park, March was off team and was targeted all match, we were hit with an Incarnate judgement, and we still won, right?

Right.

Match 3: WAREwolf wins 18-5

(Screenshot pending)

Random to Striga, EXILE employs their "run to the farthest reaches of the map" evasion tactic to no avail, as we unleash a potent shit upon Teh Artic's face that will be smelled for eons.  While we work towards our very simplistic, down-to-earth goal of being the best team in CoH, EXILE sets their aspirations as high as possible; they attempt to outscore HoneyBadgers against us in an official.  They fall short at five, opting instead to jump up and down underneath the trees of the Striga map like kids at a Ludacris concert.

Notable moment of the match is Mage and Slan using Soul Storm after the Psy/Em spi--  wait, wrong match.

Notable moment of the match is Artic taking 6 to the face after respawning.  Thankfully he learned his lesson and decided to break right the next time around; a truly adaptive target caller and credit to the Champion server.

Bads down.

It has been more than a year since the team known as usedtobegood began down a path that would result in a triumph over the PvP population of the game.  One year later, and what was considered to be the strongest collection of players finds itself strengthened immensely with several key additions from strong players.

But a roster is not the ultimate indication of skill (as Gunrock and Poned so eloquently point out) and WARE.gov was required to play at a level unseen in this game in years.

Did we deliver?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Match 1: wearerapingeveryone.gov wins 32-0

Match 1

HoneyBadgers select Steel Canyon as their map of choice, disappointing us due to their original choice of Cargo Ship.  Our collective dils shrink only slightly as we play a map that none of us really enjoy.  Regardless, the doms were strong with this one.  Oh and we don't need Stalagmites because we aren't huge faggots.  Hi Katalyst!

Match 2: wearerapingeveryone.gov wins 29-6

Match 2

Our map selection; we choose Atlas Park and switch our line-up, dropping a poison in favor of two blasters.  The map seemed to work to our disadvantage, and we struggled through a sluggish start, eventually picking things up by scoring strong kill sets on HB's support and disruption.  CoH Devs later admit that the name of the most recent expansion "Going Rogue" was in fact inspired by Burns, who likes to spend half of his pvp matches going rogue on random targets and throwing around Ionic judgements.  Way to go.

Match 3: wearerapingeveryone.gov wins 29-0

Match 3

Random map selection gives us Striga.  Peril makes the unorthodox selection of playing an Ice/Fire, supplementing our already strong Dominator intensive line-up.  The choice proves to be effective, as we score a collective string of kills off spikes as clean as Tanzie's bleached anus (I have sources in Shenanigans) ending the match in a shut out.  Shout outs to Guardian's very own "Walrus" for making his notable comeback in this match; his performance is spectacular as he helps steer the offense in the right direction.  Notable moment:  Burns hits me with 15 consecutive psy darts while he's off target.  Apparently I am that much of a fucking factor on this team.

Breaking news!
Revisions to the Dilz Mass Ratio Chart!

In an effort to help out the citizens of Paragon, the legendary Virtuous Vanguard (The greatest crime fighting force known to this sector of the galaxy, hailing from the 9th Moon of Jupiter) volunteered to use their Coagulators to assist paragon's scientists in more accurately calculating the official CoH Dilz Mass Ratio.

The revised data can be found below.

We won the draft.
Good game.

Sunday, 25 September, 2011 - a day that will be remembered as the day WARE.gov won the FPVPL 2011 draft. We entered the draft with the 5th pick - arguably the worst possible number. Once again, we were underdogs.

At 2030 hours Eastern Standard Time, it began. All we could do was watch and wait for our turn as teams began picking amazing players like Zwillinger (what?), FD (huh?), and Doyler (Really?). We responded ferociously, with a pick that silenced the airwaves: Hot motherfucking Heals. The other teams were thrown into confusion by our bold move, allowing us to pick Seethe soon after. The other teams recovered from our astounding first picks, and began picking more top players - Suckafish (lol) and Evolution X (real sonics bring yellows) were quickly drafted, along with some bad kid from JaL.

But we weren't done. Storms sounded overhead. The earth shook. Buildings toppled. The seas thrashed. We announced our pick: The beast - HP. 3 teams immediately quit the league, which is why only 7 remain.

Mage attempted to recuperate by picking the legendary Thorizdin, but his attempts were for nothing when he realized that Thorizdin was in lotd and therefore terrible (wait, he still hasn't realized).

Victory was on the horizon. No longer were we underdogs - we had pulled ahead! We held onto our lead by picking Walrus and Monsoon - who are new PvPers from Guardian, but will probably be amazing - as shown by absolute domination of that server's 1v1 circuit.

The day was ours! A glorious victory! And as an added bonus, we were given Mebs - who had been illegally picked by Bud's team (go figure) - but was quickly transferred to WARE upon administrator request when Dex pointed out the discrepancy (I feel like this has happened before).

Welcome, draftees. Pz, other teams. Make room for the rest of our dicks.

Our dilz are large.
Scientifically.

According to a recent study, WARE.gov possesses roughly 83.7 percent of the total Dilz Mass across all servers in CoH. Dilz of all players were carefully measured and weighed by Paragon's top scientists - the collected data was then used to make this chart.